In John 16:32 Jesus knew before the time that He would be crucified for all our sins and said: Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.
No matter how hard your circumstances may be, please bind this to your heart: God is with you! That's if you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior. And if you have not yet done so what on earth is stopping you? Ask God to forgive you of all your sins: past, present, and future and ask Jesus to be your Lord and Saviour. He will answer your prayer and you may rest assured that you will go to heaven. Read the Bible, start at the Gospel of John if you like, and find a church to help you and support you. My prayer for you is that you will discover the immeasurable love of God and that I will see you in heaven one day!